"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you - I Peter 5:7" My, how this verse hits home lately. I wonder sometimes if God sheds a tear when we don't listen to Him. This week I'm getting to spend much more time than usual with Penny. We both have Spring Break off, but Chandra doesn't. I'm getting to experience the "mood roller-coaster" much more than I imagined.
Today, I had to firmly remind Penny not to play rough with the neighborhood boys. We went to a park very close to our house and four of the neighborhood kids were there playing. Things were fine for a little while as they climbed trees and Penny followed them just fine. Then, she started chasing the younger boy Caleb and playfully pushed him. He pushed her back, and then she pushes even harder, including practicing some Thai Kick-Boxing moves that she must know from her home town. After not listening to me for her to stop and one of the boys asking her to give back his shoe, I had to firmly call off the play time and come back home. Our lovely daughter wasn't all too pleased with that and she let me know it when we got back home. This evening when giving Chandra the run-down on the day, Penny was her grouchy self and was saying "well, if no one likes me here, maybe I should just go back to ban-Udon. I have friends there." As Chandra says, she definitely can act like a toddler in a 13-year-old body.
I just wish that I could truly wrap my heart and mind around the verse at the beginning of this entry. Worry sometimes eats at me. I never would have imagined that less than two months after coming back from Thailand I would receive word that my position at Liberty Common School won't be renewed. I still don't really know why. I'm discerning that there is an unsaid financial reason for this. With the horrible state of our Colorado state government funding for schools, and the plan for it to only get worse, our school is planning some drastic cuts. A teacher with a Master's degree and nine years of teaching experience isn't as financially valuable in the reality of our business world. Somedays it looks like a real blessing of an opportunity for change. However, at other times I'm plagued with worry about how this will affect our adoption proceedings. I don't even want to know what might happen if Thailand doesn't understand that this job loss isn't my fault. I'm supposed to get paid through July, but with our lovely economy, what do I begin to look for to continue beyond that? After hearing Penny's comment at dinner-time, I had to excuse myself to the bedroom to release some pent-up tears. I wish that I wasn't such an emotional dad over all of this. I'm trying my best to be the "Instant Dad of Teenager - just add water, or maybe a 10-ton weight," all the while keeping a smile on my face about my career crisis.
Well, enough of my ramblings, even though this blog is the "Regan Ramblings." :-)
Please keep us in your prayers and I would appreciate knowing that I'm not the only dad that is confused by a teenage girl.
Jay
2 comments:
Oh, Jay, what a wonderful and kind father you are! Jeff & I just read that and think what an incredible caring person you are. It will all work out. Just as the journey home for you 3 must have seemed impossible, God found a way where there wasn't one. It will happen again. All the stuff with Penny seems like pretty normal adjusting stuff (from what I have read - which is a LOT). It probably doesn't feel like it at times but you all will come out of it stronger than ever. For what it's worth, 2 strangers over here in PA think both are doing a great job. And FYI, my husband had a lay-off a couple years ago. He was stunned and worried but ended up getting an even BETTER opportunity. It was a blessing in disguise! I'm sure yours will be, too!
Oh, Jay, hang in there!!! My word for this year is "dependence", and I can relate to your fears and concerns. You are right... "Do not be anxious, but by prayer and petition bring your requests to God, and peace that passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus"! I, too, struggle with laying it all down.
When we were in the process of our first adoption, Eric lost his job. God provided a much needed job, just in time, to prove that we had an income, to bring Jacob home. That job did not end up panning out for long, after bringing Jacob home, but it served the purpose of getting him here!
God has a plan... sees the bigger picture. I know you know all this. Hang in there. He is faithful, and will take care of you and your sweet family!
Adoption and adjustment are difficult on their own, let alone compounded by your job scare. Sounds like you are a wonderful daddy! It will get better!
Post a Comment