Why did we want to adopt an older child?

This is the first question that Penny is planning to ask some adoptive parents when she interviews them for a research paper that she is doing on older child adoption for her college English class.  So, I thought I'd do a series on adoption, related to her questions

Jay and I got married when I was 34 years old and he was 38 years old.

  We both loved kids.  But, even at that age, we weren't sure if we should or could have children right away.  I had already had one surgery to remove fibroids, which ended up with life-threatening complications that kept me in the hospital for 10 days.  Not long after we married I had the second of four total surgeries, which ended up making it impossible for us to have children.  After this final surgery, facing the facts about infertility ended up being harder than I thought it would be.  I remember once seeing a commercial showing a happy family with the parents swinging their children and laughing with joy at Disney Land.  Suddenly, I found myself overwhelmed with sadness and tears.  It definitely was a period of grieving the loss of the possibility of having children.

However, deep inside of myself, I had always dreamed of someday adopting a child.  In fact, when I was in highschool I saw a picture of a children's choir.  I believe that they were Korean children.  I said to my mom, "Ah, mom, they're so adorable!  I want one!"  She said, "Wait until your married."   Now, after having lived overseas, myself, for over six years and having to learn Japanese, I thought that now was the time to adopt a child from somewhere in Asia.

There's a long story of all of the different agencies and countries that we inquired of, but that's another story.  Finally, we narrowed down our choice to pick one girl from Thailand that WACAP was advocating for.  She was eleven and a half years old at that time.

Here is the smile that captivated my heart!  It was love at first sight!

 She seemed like just the right child who would fit into our family.  In fact, I had even visited her hometown when I was single.



 I just loved it while I was there.  And, as I flew away from there, I looked out the window and prayed, "God, please bring me back here someday for some reason."



 Needless to say, when the one child that we were considering just happened to be from that very town and the prayer suddenly came back to my mind, I knew that it was meant to be!

"But,  why an older child?"  you may ask.  Well, by that time, we were already older.  I was asking the question, "Why not an older child?"  She would fit better with our age as parents.  She would be old enough to reason about what was happening to her when she was adopted.  In fact, she was old enough to even object, if she would so choose.  I had been working for several years as a preschool teacher and realized how very much physical energy it took to care for a younger child.  I rather wanted a child with whom I could come home to and actually carry on a conversation with.  The thought of raising a younger child sounded way too exhausting for us "older" parents.  Why, just think, my child would even be able to carry her own suitcase on the way home!



 It just made more sense for us to adopt an older child.  Also, I was thankful that she was old enough to have learned her own language well enough, to where she would be able to use an electronic dictionary, so that we could better communicate.  Just think about how difficult it must be for a toddler who cannot express what they need and how they are feeling with these brand new strangers who come and whisk him away from anything he has ever known before!



One other reason I can think of for wanting to adopt an older child, is that it seems to me very unfair that many people won't even consider an older child.  Somehow, many people assume that just because the child is older, she won't be able to bond with her parents.  Or perhaps they think that a teenager will have multiple behavioral problems that they can't deal with.  But, is there any guarantee that a younger child or a biological child won't rebel or have problems when they are older?  No matter who the child is, there is always a risk involved, because they are human.  So, why not consider an older child, rather than look over him or her just because they might have issues.  Don't we all have issues, to one degree or another?

Our daughter came home at the age of thirteen and a half. 

 

 We were able to officially adopt her at the age of fourteen.

 

 She has brought great joy and laughter to our family and extended family.



  It was well worth all of the waiting and risks involved.  Having your own child to love is a great privilege, especially when you consider the sacrifice that her own birth mother must have made in order to entrust her care to someone else.  It's a great calling; one which I don't take lightly.  I realize that older child adoption might not be right for everyone.  But, I hope that more people, who feel called, will take a closer look at the possibility and consider the many older children who are holding out hope to find a family of their own.